Over the years, I’ve lost count how many weddings I have attended. But the other night, sat with a couple of lovely ladies preparing for an upcoming wedding. Made me look back at my own and last night brought me back to how I understood getting married was versus how I understand marriage is, 11 years after my wedding. Whether you are married, single, or preparing for a wedding, imagine with me, if I were to write to my younger self (was 25 years old back then) on my wedding day, this is how it would have looked like:
Dear younger self, March 28,2003, on your wedding day, you must have woken up really early, excited for the day and excited to start a lifetime of love and marriage. You showed up with your rose-colored glasses, looking at everything with the lens of giddy happiness that being in love brings. This letter is to remind you about your lightbulb moments.
Lightbulb Moment #1 Walking down the aisle
Most brides walk down the aisle with a room full of hopes and dreams. There’s nothing wrong with hopes and dreams but when you look to your groom fulfilling them, that’s when a lightbulb moment can come in handy. Never miss the opportunity and the truth that your wedding day is a covenant with God. Don’t make it exclusive to just you and your husband. God who is the third strand of your marriage is the only One who will be able to meet your needs. If you still look to your husband to fulfill your needs, it must be a very tiring role you have placed on his shoulder. At the end of the day, both of you look to God who fulfills our needs and in the process, we should get better at accepting if anyone fails. After all, it is with the same lens that God looks at us.
Lightbulb Moment #2 Perfect wedding. Perfect marriage.
It’s common to see a bride have several coordinators, bridesmaids who cater to the bride realtime, plus ushers who spring to their feet if anything is amiss. These are all good. But if not balanced with what you had to do to prepare for a lifetime of adjusting to your husband’s culture, agreeing what family values to have, preparing to manage finances as a couple, believe me, you may have just prepared for the one-day-wedding instead of a lifetime of marriage. Perfect flowers and balloon drops are surely memorable but completing housechores and managing the bills are staples of marriage, if unprepared for, can break the entire reason for the wedding.
Lightbulb Moment #3 The vows
A vow is not a vow without your commitment statements. A vow is not a recap or summary of your love story. It is also not just a collection of what you have discovered about each other while in relationship. It is where you agree with God and God’s empowering to be able to play the role of a wife. It is telling your husband that while everything is okay, you are making the decision that if it gets rough, you will still love him, support and respect him. It is also reaffirming God-given roles as husbands and wives.
If you still think that a wedding or marriage solves things having the mindset: “As soon as I’m married…
- things will get better
- life will be easier
- I will be happier
- Everyone will be quieter
- I will finally have peace
Let me burst your bubble. A wedding does not solve anything and should not be taken as a solution for anything. Only God has the power to turn things around. Marriage is not diving head first with eyes closed but opening yourself to the realities of building your own family and a lifetime of walking with God in marriage.