All media and social network channels are flooded with advertisements catering to moms. The “mommy network” is such a big commercial industry that most of the advertisers and product owners would do everything to get moms’ buy-ins. Let us admit the fact that all of these try to have a say on what type of mom one should be. However, considering that there are just too many mom types now, you have your stay-at-home moms (SAHM), your work-from-home moms (WAHM) and your working-full-time-moms (WFTM), it is so easy to get lost in the myth that one type is better than the other. And too many moms are also prone to committing the easy mistake of asserting (whether through conscious or non-conscious language) that she is playing the best mom-type. Case in point: see two myth busters below.
Truth#1: There is nothing wrong about being a working mom. This is particularly true especially if you know your correct list of priorities: God, marriage, kids, extended family, work, ministry and all the rest. Allow me to acknowledge as well that there is nothing wrong about being a SAHM or a WAHM, not discounting the fact that I was raised by my mom who has played all roles in her lifetime, worked fulltime, worked from home, now a stay at home mom. It is probably society or present culture that dictates and expects moms to be perfect, raising disciplined children who are models of well-behaved kids, be the number 1 cheerleader of their husbands and most fervent prayer advocate and show up pretty on all events with the most delicious kitchen concoction on hand. For most, it is just ain’t perfect if the moms who have got it all together happen to be working. I do not know about you but I know of countless working moms or mom entrepreneurs who are able to raise responsible, God-loving and successful kids. So if you are a working mom, clarify your reason, your view and your real heart for work. It is possible to regard work as a blessing (and not a burden). It will not make you weird if you find joy from working while finding joy in balancing it with mom-tasks of managing the house and parenting. And ultimately, it doesn’t make your husband less of a leader at home when you work. Decide to work or not to work because you know that your choice around it will never add or remove your right standing with God. Personally, I work because I know it is a season for me to do so. I am not in it to feed a lavish lifestyle or because I love money more than my family or because I do not have faith to believe God for more. I wouldn’t have done it otherwise. But it is a choice I make because God has given me limitless grace to do so with ultimate joy. Like all working moms or mom entrepreneurs, one day, God may call me or may never call me to be a stay-at-home mom, but I do not need to fret or sulk because I know what God can do over my marriage, my kids and my future.
Truth#2: SAHMs, WAHMs and WFTMs are not different from each other. The same set of questions run around their heads and the measure of love they feel towards their family is one and the same. A mom who is not happy being a Working full time Mom (WFTM) will most likely, not be a happy stay at home mom (SAHM) or an unhappy Work from home mom (WAHM). It is my prayer that your happiness or fulfilment as a mom does not come from what you do but from knowing who God is and from trusting what He can do over whatever role you play. How to do a correct mindset check? Answer the question: Considering the status of your marriage, parenting, house management and family relationships, do you see that your role to ______ (work, stay at home, work from home) is certainly what God is telling you to do? If you easily answered yes to this question, then you may be on the right track. If you are being led by God to do things differently, pray and God will grant wisdom and clarity around how to transition. Discuss it with your husband with the perspective that it is God who provides and who does not add any trouble to blessings. Do not make decisions or maintain decisions out of fear. Never discuss it around how other people are expecting you to function or how my husband’s boss would want us to do it. Remember that your calling is ‘personal’ and never patterned from anyone else’s. If you find it similar with most people you are surrounded with, it doesn’t mean that your type is better than the other. Never make the mistake of looking at other mom types differently or less effective. Your goal in life does not include convincing everyone to be the same mom-type you are but to be a blessing to any mom-type without setting yourself apart with biased languages, actions or preferences. Pretty much as how Jesus has done it, He has never regarded Himself better than the others but found to be interacting, healing and blessing people of all sizes and shapes.
At the end of the day, whatever mom type you are now, your provision will never come from your single-income or your double-income. Most of our big blessings did not really come from my pay envelope but from other channels of blessings that God has used in the past. Your decision about what lifestyle to keep for your children is a decision you have to make with your spouse and will come with different set of responsibilities. As long as your mom role does not take you away from your real priorities, do not entertain any form of guilt about not delivering enough. After all, the key is trusting God for your ability to mother. Count on His infinite grace to make your God-given mom-role work for you.